Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
