Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
