i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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