he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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