I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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