my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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