So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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