So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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