Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
