I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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