wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i need some magic done to my vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
