What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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