Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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