Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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