So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
