Apparently you make a good broom.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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