sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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