Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
