Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
