So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
