we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
