No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
