eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
