i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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