Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
