I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
