You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
