you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize