His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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