This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
