Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
