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• (912): View more from Georgia

  That's intense

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• (714): View more from California

  I need hand sanitizer and jesus.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.

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• (516): View more from New York

  Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant

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• (631): View more from New York

  I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks

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• (848): View more from New Jersey

  Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.

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