So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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