The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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