I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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