It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
