On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
