I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
