If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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