it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I pour the whiskey from now on
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
