Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
