The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
