When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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