You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
