When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
