i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
