my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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