I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
