he wants to bone in the snuggie
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
