The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
