you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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