It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
