well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
