Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
