I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize