you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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