I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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