she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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