Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
it's like iHOP with fire
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
