so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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