Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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