Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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