the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
