For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
