I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
