When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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