Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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