Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i dont even know how to be here
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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