hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
