I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
