you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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