you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
