So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
